I await in silence. Because that’s what I do every year about this time.
It’s on the wind.
I can’t avoid it.
It’s my birthday. It lurks out there like an intrepid predator. And it strikes every year like it always does. But this year, I’m not ready for it.
I always take an inventory. What do I have for the annual beast that shows up at my door?
My birthday is always something, for others, that just passes. And for a good many years, it was like that for me. But, over the past 20, it has become more and more obvious that it’s there…and coming, and gone.
“What am I doing with my time?” I ask myself
So here I sit…in silence. After 45 of these, you would think I’d know every thing about my own life. Not true. You would think I’d know of the other things lurking…like guilt. I don’t. You would think I’d resolved deep rooted issues in my sub-conscious. I haven’t. I just wish I knew this guy…the one I see in the mirror…I wish I knew him better…he seems to…
“Hey dude! what’s up?”
“Who are you?”
“You know…I’m THAT guy”
“That guy…do we really have to play ‘Who’s who’ this morning? I’ve got a really tight schedule”
“Ok you’re that guy. But I still don’t know you…not that well”
“I’m the guy who is happy. I’m the guy who is polite and everyone likes…
I’m the guy who loves to make cheese.
I’m the guy who is a gentleman to others.
I’m the guy who is not bitter
I’m the guy who loves to bake bread
I’m the guy who Loves his job
I’m the guy who is thin
I’m the guy who goes out of his way to make that one person smile by showing them that even random strangers can do kind things for them….THAT GUY”
“Hmm…I remember you…you’re the guy who….
Helped his best friend see there was so much more to life than work.
Rode 75 miles in one day on a road bike
Planted flowers for a total stranger
Helped that elderly person with her groceries even though she was across the parking lot
Who sang out loud…with no music around
Who didn’t give up…
didn’t need motivation to try
You’re that guy”
“DUH…yeah! Where have you been dude?”
“To be honest…I don’t know….I miss you, that guy”
“PFFT…dude, get off your butt, you’ve got things to do. People to see! Bread to bake! Lives to touch. Stop being this guy…and be that guy again. Trust me, I know what I’m talking about. Because, that guy is cool. And these birthdays will stop being regrettable and they’ll become enjoyable.
I’m no saint…I’m not Mr. wonderful, but hey I’m the you that you used to be…come back…share and sing and laugh and play…love and care and hug and do.
Come on….you know you want to…you know you like being this way. It’s time…be that guy.”
It’s hard sometimes for me to remember things about my past in a positive light. I need to take stock. I need to get back to basics. I need to resolve The bad and keep the good. I need to bring “That guy” back.
Can it be done? Of course. What about you folks? Are you in touch with that much happier self that you feel you used to be? Or has “That guy” been with you the whole time?
This year, we’re bringing it back. We’re going to make some well-planned backtracking. “That guy” was pushed off the bus for me some time ago. I’m going to go look for him. And make a few stops along the way. It’s that time…it’s that day…it’s that moment.
Happy Birthday, “That guy”…I’m coming to find you. Look for the big dude that has your smile, your laugh, your compassion….and your heart.
Stay well people.
(July 2nd, day before my birthday – nearing 25lb lost)